Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
