Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
This baby is an asshole
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
