she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I am available for nakedness
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
