I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
