Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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