atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
