I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
