I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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