Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
