i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
