This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
