I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize