I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
