oh god the rape fog is back!
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
