I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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