good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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