just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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