When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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