He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
