ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
