ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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