Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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