she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
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