**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
