FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
