he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize