i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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