I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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