I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
you will always have a special place in my vag
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
