i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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