I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Randomize