so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
