Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
