Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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