Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
