..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
my phone needs a breathalizer
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
