I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
