dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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