You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
