whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
