she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
