think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize