Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
