So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
