4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
