He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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