How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
