last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
