Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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