fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
