it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
