No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
