he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
