new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
