she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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