So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
