Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
