So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
