he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Randomize
