so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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