Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
the condom got lost in my hair
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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