Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I have post one night stand depression
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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