How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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