I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
