wakey wakey hands off snakey
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
