OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize