the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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