You're completely useless in the revolution.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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