is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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