Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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