you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
