Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
