and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
