You don't have asthma, your pregnant
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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