i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
